put on your big girl panties

I worked way more than I am used to this week (six days in a row, and one of them was from 9 to 9) so when Sunday rolled around and I finally had a day off, I didn't want to do ANYTHING. Just sit on the couch, nurse my burgeoning cold, and decompress.

Except... if I did that, I'd have nothing to wear, nothing to eat, a gym membership going to waste, and nothing but regrets on Monday.

So what did I do? I put on my big girl panties and did what needed to be done. I washed my clothes, went to the gym, bought groceries, cooked like a banshee* and even ironed my blouses. AND somewhere in there, I found time to see a movie and go shopping with my friend.

Now, I'm not looking for praise or claiming to be a superhero because I managed to do my chores. What I am looking for, though, is the mechanism by which I was able to drag my tired ass off the couch and over to the ironing board. That feeling of responsibility, or accountability, or need-to-do-this-ness that I am calling, for lack of a better name, my big girl panties.

Big girl panties have shown up in a lot of places in my life. In college, I put on my BGP's to crank out a paper while everyone else was drinking beers in the courtyard. As an actor, I wore my BGP's during tech week when things just needed to be done, and I was the one to do them, 3am or not. Now I wear them when a date I like doesn't call me back, or when the dishes are stacked higher than I am tall, or when I just donwanna do whatever it is that's facing me. Because wearing my BGP's is one way that I can take care of me.

I have, in the past, been susceptible to feelings of victimhood -- "oh woe is me, I worked so hard this week, won't someone swoop in here and do my laundry?" But at some point I realized that it's all about choice. I could, in fact, pay someone to swoop in and do my laundry, but that'd cost me $30. I could choose to sit on the couch, zone out like a 'tater and not take care of myself, and then, when I want to eat, I'll have to choose between eating saltines and raisins or spending $20 on dinner. I could get my shirts ironed... for $1.50 apiece, two blocks away. (You get my point.)

Instead, I stepped up, threw on my big girl panties, and took care of myself. I gave myself the gift of doing things the way I like them, when I want them done, for free.

And, truth be told, when my blouses were all ironed and hung in the closet, my clothes were folded and put away, my food cooked (healthily), and my legs aching from the weight room, I felt good. I felt financially responsible, well-cared-for, and independent -- all qualities I value having in my life.

So look at your life. Where do you struggle with wanting or not wanting to do something? What are the payoffs for sitting on the couch (metaphorically or actually)? And what are the payoffs for getting up? Will what you're avoiding actually go away if you ignore it today? And will what you're doing instead actually make you feel better? If the answers to those are "yes," then this may not be the day for your big girl panties.

But I'd pack them anyway. Just in case.

*I'm not 100% sure banshees eat, let alone cook.