It's time for April!

When I started this Year of Yes (well, ok, the 14 months of yes) project, the qualities I had grouped together for this month were "adventure, thrill, risk, and aliveness." And I had visions of myself hang gliding, shooting guns, climbing rock walls, and otherwise having all the adventures a girl can have in the city.

But as I've revisited the topic over the last week and a half, I've discovered that I am likely to do those things anyway (albeit in a warmer month, perhaps), and so exploring the quality of "Adventure" might not benefit me as much as something else. So I've shifted focus a little, and am now looking at Risk. What am I willing to risk to have what I want? What am I willing to risk to be who I want to be?

In my daily practice, I sit and write five things I'm grateful for, five things I get credit for, and now, five or so things I'm willing to risk to be who I want to be. They're often things like "looking like a fool" or "rejection," things that I am already unconsciously willing to risk, but I find that bringing them to light and intentionally putting them on the line makes my choices more rich.

For example, I reached out to someone I had stopped communicating with and asked if being friends would be possible. What was the worst he could say, no? Ok, I was already willing to risk that. I was willing to risk an awkward conversation, possible rejection, hurt feelings, and/or an uncomfortable friendship on the chance that what I'd get in return was a rewarding connection with someone I find funny and intelligent. I'm finding that risk is really rich -- it's not about risking my neck (as my mother has already pleasantly worried), but rather bringing focus to those things that I cling to for comfort, and being willing to let some of them go.

Because I never know what will be on the other side of them.