what others have to say about passion

The month is winding down, and I was sitting here thinking about what I was going to write for March -- which has now been altered a little from its previous fart-like phrasing (air, space, wind, release) to Surrender. And I realized that I wasn't giving Passion its full due.

Sorry, Passion. Won't do it again.

I found a number of famous people talking about passion, and thought some of them were particularly interesting.

Like Cicero:

“He only employs his passion who can make no use of his reason.”

Or my good friend T. Alan Armstrong*

“If there is no passion in your life, then have you really lived? Find your passion, whatever it may be. Become it, and let it become you and you will find great things happen FOR you, TO you and BECAUSE of you."

Fellini:

“There is no end. There is no beginning. There is only the passion of life.”

Ye Olde Proverb:

“Our passions are the winds that propel our vessel. Our reason is the pilot that steers her. Without winds the vessel would not move and without a pilot she would be lost.”

Ben Franklin:

“If passion drives you, let reason hold the reins.”

D.H. Lawrence:

“Be still when you have nothing to say; when genuine passion moves you, say what you've got to say, and say it hot.”

Someone:

“Love without passion is dreary; passion without love is horrific.”

François de la Rochefoucauld:

“If we resist our passions, it is more through their weakness than from our strength.”

And my favorite, Joss Whedon:

“Passion, it lies in all of us, sleeping... waiting... and though unwanted... unbidden... it will stir... open its jaws and howl. It speaks to us... guides us... passion rules us all, and we obey. What other choice do we have? Passion is the source of our finest moments. The joy of love... the clarity of hatred... and the ecstasy of grief. It hurts sometimes more than we can bear. If we could live without passion maybe we'd know some kind of peace... but we would be hollow... Empty rooms shuttered and dank. Without passion we'd be truly dead.”

I love the way so many of them contrast reason with passion and point out how easy it is to be overwhelmed by passion, or driven by it. At the same time, many of these quotes also speak to our tendency to ignore passion or leave it behind. As if passion is an all-or-nothing debate. Either you're a rational person or a passionate person, and while there's a desirable blend of both, few seem to master it.

Back when I was acting, there was a side of me that was truly a passionate artist, who acted as a craft and an art form and for whom the time, effort, blood, sweat, and tears was all part of the deal. And there was also a part of me that recognized that I wanted to make a living at it, so I had to be more rational, more balanced, and live more with my brain than with my heart.

I had a conversation with my father around that time about theatre as a business, and he talked about investments and equity and return on investment and I told him the thing that would keep theatre from being a business the way, say, publishing or manufacturing is a business is the passion of the people involved. Most actors will work for free. Some will even pay you to let them work. There is a heart to that community that is missing (in my personal experience) in others. So while there is truly a rational side to any art, I would argue that most of it is about passion.

But unlike Cicero, I think that people who use their passion AND their reason are in the best shape. It's like the kiss quote -- not enough passion and reason is dull, not enough reason and passion is too much.

*yeah, I have no idea who he is.

what are you chasing?

I live in New York, where it seems like everybody is chasing something. And I worry that people don't really know what they're chasing, and how their thoughts and behavior are impacting their journey.

Take me, for example, back when I was acting. I was chasing The Big Dream -- except I wasn't specific about what that meant to me. I just wanted to "be an actor in New York." Well, that's actually absurdly easy. Get a headshot, go on an audition, and voila! You're an actor in New York.

So I sat down to get more specific, and I realized that my goal was "to make a living acting in New York." Then I was getting somewhere. I had a clearer destination, and could focus my energy more tightly. Except that I was missing a piece -- how I wanted to be or feel while I was pursuing that goal. Because, as it played out, while I was chasing Making a Living as an Actor in New York, I was unhappy. I was working a job that made me want to stab people in the face, I felt like I had no time for anything that wasn't theatre, I was comparing myself to other actors (and coming up short) and, in general, I just didn't like the way I felt about myself.

I was, as it turned out, chasing the wrong thing, like the dog chasing the mailman. (Unless, of course, the mailman is delivering Omaha Steaks, but in my case he wasn't.)

It wasn't until I got specific about what I saw as success that I realized I was on the wrong path.

The same thing has happened with dating. I have defined and redefined (and redefined) (oh, and redefined) what I consider desirable characteristics in a guy. The three core qualities -- funny, smart, and self-aware -- stay the same, but the fourth quality always changes. Sometimes it's kind or thoughtful, sometimes it's simply ready, but as I have more experience, I can get more specific about what I want, and again, how I want to feel while pursuing it.

This last piece is often overlooked because we're not taught about feelings. But I think it's of the utmost importance. If you're ok with, say, pursuing a career in acting to the exclusion of everything else, that's great -- but be clear with yourself how long you're willing to do that. A month? A year? Your whole life? There are trade offs to everything, and making sure that what you're giving up is worth what you're getting is incredibly important.

The final thing I encourage people to look at surrounding success is how you will know you've made it. Often times, people get so wrapped up in the struggle of "making it" that the small successes they've had along the way no longer matter -- that big achievement is just around the corner waiting to be reached. And that's when success becomes a trap. Because as I know from first hand experience, it's easy to be more attracted to the pursuit of it than the enjoyment of it.

So to avoid the perpetual pursuit, define what it will look like when you've reached your goal. When will you finally consider yourself successful? And does that necessarily mean there is nothing left to achieve? I find that goal-setting is super-useful in this kind of work because it gives you a number of small victories to celebrate as you reach out for things that satisfy and fulfill you.

And really, is using the word "success" even useful? For so many of us (myself included) there is a sticky quality to it, one that implies comparison, scarcity, lack, and an overall "not good enough to be successful" quality. If you fall into that category (welcome!), then perhaps simply "happiness" is a better choice of words for you than "success."

To wrap up, if you haven't thought about it yet, I urge you (whether you live in New York or not) to take a minute (or hell, a year) and get really clear not just about what you want, but how you'll know when you're there.

In a nutshell:

1. Define success

2. Be willing to be flexible about that definition and change it as your circumstances change

3. Be clear about who/how you want to be as your pursue success

4. Know how it will feel when you're successful, and be open to that feeling

5. Use a different word if "success" or "successful" brings up negative feelings for you.

life is not a dress rehearsal -- or is it?

I love actors. (I used to be one, so it's fair to say I'm biased.)

The dedication actors put towards mounting a show is amazing -- like marathoners training for a race, or chefs preparing for a banquet. They put so much energy into learning lines, understanding their characters, trying on costumes, mapping out blocking... it's all part of the work. Everything an actor does to prepare his or her role makes for a more fulfilling and galvanizing performance. And good actors take time every day to make sure that they're adequately prepared for opening night.

Another reason I love actors is that they're the perfect metaphor for personal growth.

Personal growth also takes time and energy. While there are no lines to learn, there are lines to unlearn (like the stories we tell ourselves inside our heads, or the beliefs we have about who we have to be) and that process takes quiet time spent with pencil and paper, or in discussion with others. Actors try on the lives of others, but you (assuming you're not an actor) can spend time trying on your OWN life. Studying your own character.

Here are some tips for exploring your own character, taken from my time as an actor:

1. What's my motivation?

When a character walks onstage, generally it's because he/she wants something. The playwright has chosen to show us this moment in time because it matters. In your life, every minute is also valuable, and you, too, are walking around with an agenda. From moment to moment, your motivation can range from "sixteen Oreos sounds like a good idea" to "I want to create world peace," but add up all those moments and there is an overarching agenda that helps define you as a character. Or, you know, a person.

When an actor learns and studies a character, she looks for that big arc (the one that carries the character from the beginning to the end of the play) and then looks at all the moments in between to see whether they are heading the character towards or away from the big picture. You, too, can do this. What is it that you want to do with your life? Who do you want to be? What are you passionate about? If your life were a play, what would you want your character's motivation to be?

Once you discover that, align your moment to moment motivation with that goal.

For example, if your overarching agenda is "to connect with people authentically," then moment to moment actions like writing letters, making phone calls, and having dinner with friends is in better alignment than eating alone, reading books, and playing video games. (Not that the latter are negative things -- they're great -- but they don't serve your character.)

Find more and more ways to connect your character to his/her agenda, and your "performance" will be deeper, richer, and more fulfilling.

2. Be accepting

It is impossible for an actor to fully embody a character on whom he or she is sitting in judgment. I once played the role of a psychic hooker, and there were many times when it would have been easy to say that she was stupid, easy, or a victim (because, hell, she got beaten up even though she was psychic!). But to do that would not have been in service of her, and I would have been warping the playwright's intention.

It's the same with you. You may have days when you FEEL stupid, easy, or like a victim, but if you judge yourself and label yourself that way, you'll never get to what's great about your character. The playing out of your life will ring hollow and false.

Sure, every character has a flaw (or twelve). But that's part of what makes drama so delicious. Think about the people close to you -- they all have flaws, don't they? And you still love them anyway, don't you? Allow your own character to have problems that don't define him or her and see what magic The Great Playwright in the Sky* brings to you.

3. Commit commit commit!

To my mind, there is nothing worse than a flaky or uncommitted actor. It is a profession wrought with challenges and to pursue it half-heartedly doesn't seem worth the (pathetic) effort. So many actors are out there following their heart's desire, and are hellbent on making art and connecting with people in a deep and meaningful way, and we can learn a lot from them.

Those dedicated actors are never late to rehearsal. They are off book when they say they will be. They have done the research on the time period. They're already wearing the character's shoes. They've read other plays by the playwright. They know the character inside and out -- because all of this matters to them.

You can do the same thing in your own life. Show your life some integrity. Be honest, live up to your potential, and commit to being the kind of person you want to be.

The one thing my high school drama teacher, Mr. Luongo, told us over and over and over again was "Be on time. Know your lines." And that means being responsible, reliable, and present.

*I'm painfully aware of the high cheese-factor of this statement.

Get Out of the Way!

You got into this business for a reason, and things aren't quite panning out the way you thought they would. You're frustrated, angry, doing everything you know how to do, and you're not getting anywhere. Or maybe you think you're too old. Or too fat. Or too good to be without representation. You deserve better.

All you know is that you're sick of it, and something has to change! (Sound at all familiar?)

Well, I can help you change your mind.

On October 24th I'll be offering a class that will show you how your own mind is getting in the way of your success. We'll identify and eliminate your hidden beliefs about how the business works (or doesn't work), and you'll leave the class with a new, more powerful perspective on your art and career.

The details:

October 24th, 2-4pm

Ripley Grier Studios

Regular price $45 (Equity discount -- $40, Bring a friend -- 2 for $65)

Bring something to write with (and a journal, if you'd like)

Email k8sandberg@yahoo.com for more information

SEATS ARE LIMITED!

Available discounts

Regular Price $45.00 Equity Members $40.00 Bring a Friend $65.00